Ashley Collins 3/11/26 Ashley Collins 3/11/26

Why Kids Need Hard Things: How Challenge Builds Confidence and Resilience

Confidence doesn't grow from comfort. Learn why challenge and perseverance are essential for helping children develop resilience and self-belief.

When Letting Our Kids Struggle is The Best Thing We Can Do

When I was a child, gymnastics was more than just a sport.

My early childhood was difficult. I spent some years living in an environment affected by addiction. When my dad eventually gained custody of me when I was entering fourth grade, one of the first things he did was enroll me in gymnastics.

That decision changed my life.

Gymnastics gave me something I didn’t yet have: confidence, structure, and a sense of self-worth. It pushed me physically, mentally, and socially. I learned how to work hard, tolerate frustration, to keep going after failure, and how to interact with my peers.

But like many high-level sports, gymnastics also has a darker side.

By the end of my gymnastics career, I often dreaded practice. Gymnastics is a sport built around perfection. If a skill isn’t perfect, it’s corrected — sometimes loudly, sometimes harshly. At higher levels, mistakes can be met with criticism that would make many adults uncomfortable, let alone children.

So when my own daughter became interested in gymnastics, I felt conflicted.

She is a sensitive child. She also struggles with anxiety. I worried about what the perfectionistic culture of the sport might do to her confidence and emotional wellbeing. Eventually, after some difficult experiences with coaching, I pulled her out.

I told myself I was protecting her.

Then recently, she asked if she could try gymnastics again.

I hesitated. But I agreed.

Last week she returned to the gym.

I wasn’t able to be there, but I watched videos later. I saw her trying new skills, pushing herself, falling, getting back up, and trying again. When she came home that evening, the pride and accomplishment on her face was unmistakable.

And I realized something important.

This is what it’s about.

Not perfection.
Not medals.
Not being the best.

It’s about the moment a child realizes they can do something hard.

Why Struggle Builds Confidence

As parents, our instinct is often to protect our children from discomfort.

But confidence does not grow from comfort.

Psychologists have consistently found that true confidence develops through mastery experiences — moments when a child faces a challenge, persists, and eventually succeeds. This concept comes from the work of psychologist Albert Bandura, who described mastery experiences as the most powerful source of self-efficacy.

In simple terms:
Children begin to believe in themselves when they experience “I did something hard.”

Research in child development also shows that appropriately challenging activities help children build:

resilience
emotional regulation
frustration tolerance
problem-solving skills
self-confidence

Sports, music, academics, and other structured activities provide natural opportunities for this kind of growth.

The key is not eliminating challenge — it’s ensuring the environment is supportive rather than shaming.

The Difference Between Healthy Challenge and Harmful Pressure

Not every challenging environment is healthy.

Children thrive when adults encourage effort, persistence, and growth. They struggle when the focus becomes perfection, fear of mistakes, or harsh criticism.

Healthy coaching environments emphasize:

effort over perfection
learning from mistakes
persistence
encouragement
emotional safety

When these elements are present, challenge becomes an opportunity for growth rather than a threat to self-esteem.

Sometimes Our Kids Need Us to Step Outside Our Comfort Zone

One of the surprising things about parenting is that sometimes our children’s challenges push our own anxieties.

My hesitation about gymnastics wasn’t only about my daughter.

It was also about my memories.

But watching her beam with pride after pushing herself reminded me that our role as parents is not to remove every obstacle. Our role is to help our children develop the strength to face them.

Sometimes that means allowing them to try things that make us nervous.

Sometimes it means letting them struggle.

And sometimes it means rediscovering — alongside them — the joy of doing something difficult.

The Goal Isn’t Perfection

The goal isn’t to raise perfect children.

The goal is to raise capable, resilient ones.

Children who know that when something is hard, they can try again.

Children who know that mistakes are part of learning.

Children who believe in their ability to grow.

And sometimes, that growth starts with something as simple as climbing back onto the balance beam.

Research Behind This Idea

Research in psychology consistently shows that children build confidence through experiences of challenge and mastery.

Some key research includes:

• Albert Bandura – Self-Efficacy Theory
Bandura’s research demonstrated that the strongest source of confidence is mastery experiences—successfully completing difficult tasks.

• Angela Duckworth – Grit and Perseverance
Duckworth’s work highlights how persistence through challenge helps children develop resilience and long-term success.

• Carol Dweck – Growth Mindset
Dweck’s research shows that when children view mistakes as opportunities to learn rather than signs of failure, they develop greater motivation and confidence.

Ashley Collins, PMHNP-BC is the founder of Armor Behavioral Health & Wellness, where she works with children and teens struggling with anxiety, ADHD, and emotional regulation.

Ashley Collins 5/28/19 Ashley Collins 5/28/19

Redefine Success

It All Begins Here

Confidence doesn’t always arrive with a bold entrance. Sometimes, it builds quietly, step by step, as we show up for ourselves day after day. It grows when we choose to try, even when we’re unsure of the outcome. Every time you take action despite self-doubt, you reinforce the belief that you’re capable. Confidence isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about trusting that you can figure it out along the way.

The key to making things happen isn’t waiting for the perfect moment; it’s starting with what you have, where you are. Big goals can feel overwhelming when viewed all at once, but momentum builds through small, consistent action. Whether you’re working toward a personal milestone or a professional dream, progress comes from showing up — not perfectly, but persistently. Action creates clarity, and over time, those steps forward add up to something real.

You don’t need to be fearless to reach your goals, you just need to be willing. Willing to try, willing to learn, and willing to believe that you’re capable of more than you know. The road may not always be smooth, but growth rarely is. What matters most is that you keep going, keep learning, and keep believing in the version of yourself you’re becoming.